"My Monday Morning"

It's time to get UP, Dad! UP UP UP!!

I have been UP for hours! I have eaten! I have been pottied! I have played with Pa! It is nearly 8am, and I need DAD to get UP! It is MONDAY Morning!!!

I sit on Dad. (Up, I say! UP!)

"Ooof," groans Dad. "I can't get UP unless you... get... OFF!" he grunts.

(YAYYYyyyyy!!! I say, cavorting about the bed.) It is MONDAY! Time to get UP! Take Pa to WORK! Take Bertha to the DOG PARK!!!!!

"ugh." groans Dad. "You wiegh a ton. Let me get my underwear on, for godsakes... you're like a hemmorhoid- get off my butt!"

YAY!! I say, but I cavort less closely to the grumpy-because-he-isn't-all-the-way-awake-Dad.

I am skipping the boring parts now- because Dad takes forever to get ready, and I am cavort-cavort-cavorting! I do not want to type that as many times as I am doing it this morning.

RUN to the car! run run run!

Dargging Dad. drag drag drag--- OOps. Sowwy Dad. (I smile and lick his face when he gets in the car himself. heh heh. I 'toopid, you know.) He buys it. We are ON THE ROAD!!!

I stick my nose out the window, which he has graciously opened.

Pa suggests turning on the headlights, because we are in a fog-grey car and the fog is very thick this morning. (It makes my nose run. I go *SNEEZE!* and Pa says "ghesundhiet!" or something like that... I stare at him. Gah-what? Oh. A squirrel going by! Don't hit it!)

I wag my butt, because Dad slows down. Squirrels are 'toopider than me, sometimes!

Drive Dad, Drive!

"Slow down for the school zone Dad", says Pa- presumeably because he knows that I love to see all the children in their pretty coats, walking to school and all the big yellow busses. (everything revolves around me on a monday, you know.)

Drive Dad, Drive!!!! I stick my nose right out the window- but not my whole head. not QUITE.... people smile. I wag my butt. heh heh heh.

The Pharmacy! Pa says, "Goodbye Dad, drive carefully, and have a nice day! Goodbye Bertha!" but I am too busy looking out my window. I am quivering with the joy that comes with knowing the next stop is the DOG PARK!!!

We drive away, and suddenly I notice we have left Pa behind. Darn. That is The Trouble With Mondays. We have to leave Pa at work. I look back as we go, and I wag my butt even harder. Oh joy! Oh horror! The mix of the two is aweful, untill I remember... DOG PARK!!!

Okay. Now I am fixated on it. We are going to the D-O-G P-A-R-K!!! I can do nothing but stare out the window while we drive.

Hello stop-lights!

Hello Coffee-shop!

Hello Archie McPhees, which I never get to go into, but I know is so very cool.... *Plllttthhhh*

Hello waterfront!!!

Hello boats!!

Hello Monday-Morning Train, which ALWAYS waits at the crossing! Beep Beep!!!

Hello TREES!!

HELLO LEAVES on the ROAD!!

HELLO DOG PARK!!!!!

My Rapture knows no end.

I am at the off-leash Dog Park. I am BIG Bertha!

I drag Dad down the path, like a fat lady dog who gots to find a potty right this second. (Cause... uhm, I DO. Honest!)

At the gate, I meet two of my friends! YAY!! They Cavort! I Cavort!!

"It's okay." The mommy-of-the-dogs says, "We're just going now... so let me leash them before you open the gate."

I gots to go though. So. A pile of leaves right nearby the gate does the trick.

Dad gags. "I hate your new food." he complains, as he works his magical pooper-scooping-jaws-thingy. (which is the source of much amazement and jealousy of those using bags and hands... hah!) "And my GOD Bertha, how much did you eat??" he almost needs to scoop twice. ha ha.

The gate is opened!!

I get to say hello (and goodbye) to my friends, and I run around for a moment like an idiot, while Dad is saying, "let me take your leash off, stupid... come here..."

I think this is GREAT fun, and as soon as it's off, I wander around calmly. See? I can be calm. I'll walk right by your side. See? No leash pulling here! ...Dad stares. I know I have made a great joke, so I lick his hand before I run off to meet my other friends!

ha ha.

After the joke of the morning, and everyone arrives (we were EARLY today!!) I poo again. ...and again... and again... Dad says, "How can you have anything LEFT??" and then he collapses onto a bench from tiredness, from all that pooper-scoopering.

Dad's friend, who scratches me and throws my ball sometimes, laughs, and says, "She knows she has it made, all you do is scratch her butt, scoop her poo, and give her food..." he laughs again, cause I look up and offer my butt for more scratches with a silly look on my face, my tongue lolling half out. Dad groans, "heavy on the food, lately." he chuckles. "...and take over the couch. Don't forget taking over the couch." He chuckles again... but then I go off to make more marks.

I got to piddle EVERYWHERE, even tho I am a lady-dog... just in case there are any elligible bachelors around, you know... I mark every single marking-spot I can, before everyone arrives. I can be very efficient.

Odin and Jock get too 'excited' (there is no playfighting UNDER your humans, silly!) and have to go for a walk on the trail with their dads... I lay down by MY Dad for a bit, the oooooooonly dog in the park. (don't worry, I just got a drink. I'll have more piddling to do in a minute. I'm not bored!)

I watch the park. It's so pretty. There's the ocean nearby, and I hear the dogs-that-aren't-dogs barking in the distance. I listen. "Ark! Ark!" they shout to one another. I think that means "the salmon is good here, but you should see what mrs. smith just threw overboard- come share some mouldy muffins with me!" ...I wish *I* had some muffins... I search Dad's treat pocket hopefully, but there is nothing there but my ball.

HEY!! My BALL!!

Throw, Dad, Throw!!

This is a GREAT game... till HE comes.

He grabs my ball, and runs away with it.

Run- run run run run!

(HEY!) I bark! That's my ball! Dad has never seen me make a bark at the dog park, so he yells encouragement. "Go get him Bertha! He's got yer ball!!"

THEN I catch on... hey... he doesn't WANT my ball... he's FLAUNTING my ball so I will CHASE him!!

Somewhere in my pea-sized brain... a lightbulb goes on.

A GRAND game of chase occurrs!!!! YAAAAAAYYYYyyyyyyy!!!

Chase chase chase!!!

WOW do I get TIRED.

I flop down next to someone I just made friends with, and pretend to be their dog.

Dad grins.

I lay there, and every time anyone else approaches (even his own dog!) I lean my head worshipfully against his knee.

He looks embarassed.

His dog weighs less than my head.

Ha ha. I know I have made another great joke- so I get up and make the rounds of piddling, and trying to poo everywhere again. ha ha.

Dad gets his exercise this way, following me around with the scooper, and looking embarassed because I have nothing left to poo, but I keep doing the poo-stance to make a few drips of pure scent-oil (which we DOGS think smells wonderful... why DAD gags i'll never know) fall on the key marking zones. When Dad has nothing to scoop, he looks cross, and says "stop doing that." but I don't care. I like everyone to know BIG Bertha has been here. (and is looking for a mate, even tho Dad says "you're spayed! stop that!")

Then the park starts getting full of big playful dogs, and one of my human-friends comes. He has a MUCH tastier ball than mine, so I decide to trade. Bingo can have MY ball, and I will play 'catch' with Bingo's human. Yay!! frow it! frow it!! *jump*snap*catch*WIGGLE* yay!!! I don't even play 'catch' this well for DAD, much less a stranger. But Dad is laughing, so I guess it's all good.

Someone grabs the ball and runs- We have a grand game of "keep away" for a bit... but then ZEUS comes... *shiver*

At first, even tho he is a small lab, I was thinking Zeus was pretty sex-ay... I was all like 'hey hey... are you neutered? c'mere... smell my pee...' (what? don't humans do that?)

Then... Zeus decided he wanted to PLAY!! He jumped on me and RAWRED, and started bite-bite-biting!! (Dad says we must add here that Zeus is a spiffy dog and only play growls and play bites!) I stood upright, and my ears went *ZING* upright, like I was shot!

Zeus RAWRED, and started a game of chase!!

I RAN. *yipe!yipe!yipe!*

Everyone laughed.

*sniffle*

I ran more, and yelped just like a puppy, tucking my butt WAY under like a hyena... I ran and ran and ran...

But the more they rescued me, the more I was drawn to go back and see if Zeus wanted to play...

and he DID! AAAAUGH!!!! Ruuuuuuuuun!!!

Poor Zeus. He did not know I am such a shy girl. Shy girls do not care if they wiegh more than twice what you do. It would not be polite to fight back. I prefer this run-and-yelp-like-a-puppy technique.

Apparently, Zeus did not find this sex-ay. *sigh*

He is such a nice dog. I don't know why he wants to play-bite me. hrmf.

So later, I was ALL tired out... and a nice lady with a very playful dog got me to play CHASE (because he had my ball again!) all over again, till I was all heaving-happy, tongue-lolling and very joyful!

He must have told me a secret, because I looked over to his owner after we were sniffing and rubbing sides... and I trotted over there... while he went off to pretend he wasn't watching. I sat down next to his owner-mommy.

She smiled!!! and smiled, and smiled... and she laughed, "Yep! You're a Rottie allright! You just want butt-scritching!"

Dad and the nice lady had a talk about Rotties- and it turns out she used to own one too, but she had died only last year, and it was almost that time of year again. Her nice dog I was playing with had known her, and she taught him to play! She loved him too, and she shared him with this nice human- but then she got VERY sick, and the vets tried all kinds of things, but she died anyway. Her human LOVED on me, and LOVED on me...

They talked about all the silly things about Rotties... like how sometimes, when we play, we make these FEROCIOUS noises! We rowl and growl and snarl... but if your hand is in our mouwf, you will notice we are not biting at all. We aren't hurting, because that is a PLAY sound. When we're serious, we're very quiet, and we STARE a lot... I was a lot like her old friend, except her friend was a little more aggressive than me, not trusting humans very much- I don't trust humans either, but I RUN from them if they scare me! eep! eeeeeep!!

I spent LOTS of time sitting with her, while they chatted about silly Rottie things. How much ROOM we take up on the couch, and how we are all really LAP dogs, and no one believes that untill they have owned one, and they find the 100+ pounds of dog right in their lap. (like it or not! good morning!!) All the time!!

Oh it was such a pretty day... I didn't want to bring my ball home. It used to belong to Axel, you know- that pink ball did. I played with it so much at the dog park today, and the other dogs were still playing with it when we left, and I looked up at Dad, and I said, 'you know, all the fall leaves, and the mist, and the open park... Axel would have loved this place too. Lets just leave his Ball here to play chase, OK?'

Dad smiled and rubbed my head... I don't know if he 'heard' me or not... but he snuggled my ears, and asked again if I was sure... and I sat by the gate. Oh Yes. There are other balls... and I had so much fun. Sharing is a good thing.

We went home.

*WHEW*

I hope YOUR Monday is as wonderful as MINE was!!

Happy Monday Morning!

Big Bertha